Good morning! I sat down to write about something more personal that I have been experiencing this past week. I made it 35 years without breaking a bone until last week. I broke the fourth toe on my left foot while playing tag with my daughter. This tiny little bone has proven to be quite disruptive in my personal and at times my professional life.
Something that I automatically turn towards is finding a 'silver lining.' I am starting to wonder if that tendency is actually in service of my processing. I do believe that this has been a forced lesson in slooooooowing down. Something that is feels like walking upriver against a strong current, especially given the societal pace all around me mid November.
Back to the original question... is desperately grasping for a silver lining helping me process this experience or is it a way to stay next to it with a 'head in the sand' mentality about my actual lived experience?
My mindfulness discipline and expansion has shown up with strength while going through this. Part of that has been the invitation I have received numerous times to dip into suffering. At the onset of the accident, I immediately knew I did not want to suffer. The physical pain was enough on it's own, adding suffering felt... indulgent in some way. As each day has gone past and at times there feels some improvement and healing happening... I am starting to ask the suffering invitation what it might have for me. I am resistant to this concept of choosing suffering, which tells me immediately that my ego must be involved if there is resistance. Resistance is acting as protection. Protection from what I muse? Vulnerability, appearing weak or the big one for me- needing help.
After dissecting this more I believe that the invitation into the energy of suffering around this uncomfortable injury is trying to offer me an experience where I can ask for help.
This is a new concept to me... I've spent a lot of time being with the idea that life will always have pain, but suffering is an option when we focus on living mindfully.
Not sure if I will dip into the energy of suffering or if I do how much tolerance I will have for it, but I am appreciating all the lessons and increased awareness this broken little toe is sending my way... A silver lining-- oh shit back at square one.
With love,
Danielle <3